My MOH daughter really liked Kate Chenowith’s The Bridesmaid Guide: Etiquette, Parties, and Being Fabulous.
1. This is NOT about you. It is about being a friend to this woman who thought enough of your friendship to want you to be a member of her wedding party on the most important day of HER life. Not yours. If you don’t think you can be pretty selfless for a year or more, politely decline. How do you politely decline? In any number of ways, but do it politely.
2. You will hopefully be asked to give feedback to the bride’s image of the perfect bridesmaid ensemble. Give your feedback, but avoid obnoxious declarative statements like, “I’m not wearing that.” Remember, HER day. There is a way to offer constructive feedback in order to save yourself from spending the day in an unflattering outfit: POLITELY.
3. You will spend some money in the coming year. You can have some budget parameters in mind to keep the bride from going crazy with couture, but that conversation should happen right away. “I am absolutely thrilled to be in your wedding, but since we’re all just starting out and have budget concerns, can you give us a price range you’re considering?” If your bride says “it’s worth it because you can wear it again,” know that you probably won’t. You can count on the year costing you upwards of $1000, which includes your outfit, gifts for engagement, shower and wedding, and your portion of bachelorette and shower festivities.
4. If you are the maid of honor, you are the captain of the bridesmaid team. Set up a google group, or start group emails so you’re all in agreement on monetary, planning and other decisions. You are also the point person, representing the rest of the ladies, in conversations with the bride. You, for example, should be the one who knows the bride would LOVE to go to a winery for her bachelorette party.
5. You are EXPECTED to be there for the big events– engagement party, shower, bachelorette party, rehearsal dinner. Know the dates early on and COMMIT TO THEM. Your boyfriend’s birthday is NOT a reason to skip out on the bride’s shower.
So, why would the MOB need to know all of this? Because you are the one who may be called upon to get a rogue bridesmaid in line so she doesn’t upset the bride.
The next few posts are for bridesmaids, or for MOB’s and brides who will inevitably encounter bridesmaid-related challenges during the wedding planning period.
celebrate your engagement with a party or two!