Post-wedding blues can happen to moms too

blue image from rockmywedding.com

A year of high-octane planning, budget-busting shopping, parties, gatherings, good times and bad, and now it’s over. She’s off on a honeymoon, and you’re….. empty? Flat? Wondering what the heck this feeling is? It’s the post-wedding blues, and yes, they can hit moms as well as brides.

If you were heavily involved in the wedding planning, you may feel suddenly as if you have absolutely nothing to do– even if you get back into a life that was quite full before the engagement was announced. Imagine running full-out on a treadmill, not sure if you can keep up this pace, when suddenly the treadmill stops. Wait, what?

In addition to the significant shortening of the daily to-do list, there’s the complexity of the feelings moms have when their daughters marry; these feelings are as complicated and varied as the relationships themselves. Once she says “I do,” even if the couple has been together for a long time, the reality is that your baby’s attachment has shifted from you to him. And let’s face it, that is a weird feeling. I joked that it was a relief that the new groom would now be the sounding board for her rants, and the one who doesn’t sleep because SHE can’t sleep, but the truth is, I miss that shift in intimacy.

So, what to do when the blues hit? Here are a few suggestions:

Plan a post-wedding party when the pictures and video
Start a “wedding capsule” project or make a shadowbox for your daughter
Plan a spa day for you and your daughter
Plan a trip for yourself– you deserve it!

Above all, trust that you will gradually return to normal, and you will be happy that you once again have time for your friends, your garden, your yoga; whatever fills you in your free time.

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30th anniversary musings: Thinking back to the good, the bad and the ugly of my 1983 wedding

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I was married 30 years ago today , so before we start celebrating this milestone, I thought I would blog about my own wedding– what was good about it (and probably still makes sense today), and what was bad– or even downright ugly about it.

What was GOOD, even great, about my 1983 wedding:

1. My dress was $600, and I loved it! Love still how it looks in pictures. Unfortunately it just hung around, uncleaned in a closet until one day I just put it out with junk. My daughters have not cried over this. My veil was simple, and I was thrilled to lend it to a friend a year later. I don’t even remember where I got our flowers, but they were just fine.

2. We had 90 people at our wedding, which we primarily funded ourselves. I have no memory of agonizing over guest lists, and invitation choices were white or cream. Hand calligraphy though. I received gifts from people who were not able to come, which seems to be a point of etiquette that has gone out of fashion (though it shouldn’t).

3. The after-party (which I believe involved a keg and cups) was awesome! That’s all I can tell you. I do remember that a bunch of friends who were not able to come to the wedding had a great time at the after-party.

4. I really loved my shoes. Women just plain love shoes. I do wish I’d kept those, but I have no idea what I did with them. I bought them at Saks in the city, and had my wallet pick-pocketed the same day.

5. Opening our gifts and envelopes on our wedding night was a blast! We culled all cash to bring with us to St. Croix. We sent out thank-you’s in a timely fashion.

What was bad– even ugly– about our wedding:

1. Well, it was HOT and HUMID, much like it is right now in the East. I only put this on the “bad” list because, even though it didn’t bother us, apparently it bothered everyone else because I hear about it every anniversary on facebook — “Happy anniversary! Wow, that was a hot one!” Our venue was not air conditioned and we figured on a breezy, humidity-free September day. Don’t count on the weather! It did, however, make our event super-memorable. For years we talked about one of my aunts bringing drinks out to my uncle, who would not leave his air-conditioned car.

2. Bridesmaids’ outfits were hideous. I’m so sorry. It was the style (think Seven Brides for Seven Brothers). Again, I’m very, very sorry. Don’t make your bridesmaids spend a fortune, because 30 years later they will look at your pictures and think “hideous.”

3. The ice situation (see #1 above).

4. My wedding china. I did not give a hoot about china, so I let my mother bully me into choosing a pattern I have actually grown to loathe. Did I just admit that? Did I ever even NEED china? Is this an outdated concept? MOBs- don’t force your girls to register for china they don’t want.

All in all, it was a great memory that has given us all kinds of reminiscing pleasure these past 30 years. For all you brides and MOBs out there, RELAX; soon it will all be a wonderful memory. Don’t sweat the small stuff!