Post-wedding blues can happen to moms too

blue image from rockmywedding.com

A year of high-octane planning, budget-busting shopping, parties, gatherings, good times and bad, and now it’s over. She’s off on a honeymoon, and you’re….. empty? Flat? Wondering what the heck this feeling is? It’s the post-wedding blues, and yes, they can hit moms as well as brides.

If you were heavily involved in the wedding planning, you may feel suddenly as if you have absolutely nothing to do– even if you get back into a life that was quite full before the engagement was announced. Imagine running full-out on a treadmill, not sure if you can keep up this pace, when suddenly the treadmill stops. Wait, what?

In addition to the significant shortening of the daily to-do list, there’s the complexity of the feelings moms have when their daughters marry; these feelings are as complicated and varied as the relationships themselves. Once she says “I do,” even if the couple has been together for a long time, the reality is that your baby’s attachment has shifted from you to him. And let’s face it, that is a weird feeling. I joked that it was a relief that the new groom would now be the sounding board for her rants, and the one who doesn’t sleep because SHE can’t sleep, but the truth is, I miss that shift in intimacy.

So, what to do when the blues hit? Here are a few suggestions:

Plan a post-wedding party when the pictures and video
Start a “wedding capsule” project or make a shadowbox for your daughter
Plan a spa day for you and your daughter
Plan a trip for yourself– you deserve it!

Above all, trust that you will gradually return to normal, and you will be happy that you once again have time for your friends, your garden, your yoga; whatever fills you in your free time.

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Wedding Day Emergency Kit

The wedding day emergency kit— there are more than a few lists for brides out there (Philadelphia Wedding had the best one I found), but this one is more specific to you, the Mother of the Bride.

While the bride may have her own idea of what an “emergency kit” looks like (usually just more makeup!), it’s your job as her mother to “have her back.” And not only will you be the go-to source for your own daughter, you will be the one that every young woman at the wedding runs to when there’s an emergency!

So, here’s my list of must haves for every MOB’s Wedding Day Emergency Kit:

Tampons (not necessarily for you, but believe me, at least two frantic girls will ask you for these)
Spot remover (Tide stick)
Emery board (the girls call them “nail filers”)
Safety pins and/or mini sewing kit
Two-sided (tailor’s) tape or toupee tape
Extra reading glasses
Mints
Your own mini-makeup bag for touch-ups
Static guard (cool weather weddings)
Imodium (the big day has triggered many an IBS episode)
Tums or Pepcid AC

Stash these items, and anything else that you or your girl may need, in a small tote in the bridal suite. Whatever your venue, your coordinator or catering manager will find a place for you to keep necessities.

Prepare for everything, and hopefully you’ll need nothing!

Guest post from a mother of the groom: a good perspective for every bride and her mom

MOG
Mother of the Groom (MOG)….ahhh! As the mother of two sons I didn’t really knew what to expect when the first son announced that he would marry. Would I be invited to be an involved MOG or would I have to wiggle my way in any time the window was haphazardly left open?

We mothers of boys do chat about these things, and believe it or not we do worry that we will be the odd woman out.

The first wedding for us would be out of town. What would we be asked to do? What would our involvement be? MOG’s are sensitive and do have feelings. Please share with us what you would like us to do. Solicit input. It will make us feel good. Here are a few more tips for brides and their mothers:

Be thoughtful when establishing the wedding date. If you have always dreamed of a fall wedding and the brother of the groom is a college football player, a weekend in the fall could be difficult.

Don’t assume! I have seen several “lists” stating what the bride pays for and what the groom pays for. Sit down and talk about it. We all know that sometimes, in some circumstances, bride and groom paying for things really mean parents are paying. Be open, realistic and open-minded when having these conversations with each other and with both/all groups of parents.

•Just what should the MOG wear? Again, have a conversation! If you know that your future MIL loves the Lily Pulitzer look and thinks it can go anywhere, anytime, reel her in early and make suggestions that would complement your color palette. Is it really detrimental to the wedding if she wears knee length or long? Must she wear her hair up? Let her know the most important aspects of what you are looking for and don’t sweat the small stuff.

•Traditionally the parents of the groom provide a post-rehearsal gathering. If you know your future in-laws well, and trust that they will do a nice job no matter what, then let them offer ideas and let them run with it. Being from Italian descent, our DIL suggested a nice Italian Bistro. Perfect!

Who attends the rehearsal dinner? We had budgeted this as one of our big ticket items. Since all of our family and friends were traveling great distances to the wedding we invited all out-of-towners from both sides of the family. We provided a wonderful dinner venue that set the stage for a special weekend.

•Don’t have wild expectations, but do be grateful. Several years ago, a MOG friend told me that the groom’s family pays for the honeymoon. Yikes! I had not heard that one before. So that we wouldn’t be caught off guard, we began saving for a honeymoon. Of course the couple planned the destination and we surprised them with the airline tickets and hotel. This was NOT expected, and I’m not sure it’s even really a “rule,” but the kids were very grateful.

Being the MOG was a special privilege. I learned so much about weddings and my DIL. What a blessing she is. I know that I will be better prepared for the next wedding as it too will be a travel wedding once again.

Thanks Bridemomma, for allowing me to post my perspective!

~ Ally V.

When the wedding is over…what will you do with your gown?

Army-grey-pink-wedding-14
You spent the better part of a year (at least!) searching for the perfect look for your big day, but when it’s over and you have picture-perfect photos of this once-in-a-lifetime memory, what will you do with your wedding dress? Most likely you will pay a small fortune to have it “preserved,” but for what exactly? I wonder how many brides really do wear their mom’s dresses?

I recently read about a great organization that arranges donated gowns for military couples as a way to say thank you for serving. I love this! If you’re interested, click the link below and read all about it!

http://www.bridesacrossamerica.com/

For additional charities that accept donated wedding dresses, check out the Huff Post Weddings link below:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/09/28/donate-your-wedding-dress_n_1924169.html

Wedding flowers! Where to begin…..

2Aflowersarrive
Our florist was hands-down my favorite wedding vendor; we were so happy with his creations! So, assuming you want some flowers on your wedding day, just where do you begin? Here are a few steps to get you started:

1. Look through magazines and gather looks you like in a folder. No, you can’t just snap pix on your iphone; you can do that too, but make a folder. Your florist will appreciate that.

2. Ask for recommendations. Chat up everyone in your area who has been a bride or mother-of-the-bride and ask about their florist. We heard one name three times, so we were on our way.

3. Get some idea of what things should cost. This can be done quite easily online. Learn about the “seasonality” of the looks you like. Some flowers that bloom in the spring may be very expensive for a late fall wedding. Do some homework!

4. Ask florists to show you their work. Ours had photo albums to show us. He also took the time to educate us and show us blooms in his shop. His pride in his craft was so evident, which tipped the scales in his favor. He also listened to my daughter, and even came up with a beautiful way for her to carry a special necklace in her bouquet.
necklaceclose

5. Know what you'll need and make a list. In addition to the bridal bouquet, you will need flowers for bridesmaids, boutonnieres for the groom, groomsmen, and fathers, and possibly flowers for the moms. Although my little bouquet was quickly abandoned, it did look pretty in our family photos. You may want arrangements for your chapel or church, and you should find out if your venue has its own florist, or if your vendor will also do those. Either way, be prepared when it’s decision time!

As with all wedding vendors, be prepared to strike a balance between asserting yourself when it comes to your vision, and deferring to their expertise and being flexible.

I found a great blog that gives you the Flowers 101 low-down. Just click on the link below, and start learning the language of flowers!
http://weddinglovely.com/blog/wedding-flowers-101-12-tips-for-finding-a-florist-choosing-a-bouquet-seasonal-flowers-and-more/

One year later: Top 5 memorable moments and just one regret

A year ago this weekend, my daughter was married, and as she and her husband celebrate this milestone, I am reflecting on my TOP FIVE memories from that special day:

1. Getting ready together in our suites…pure fun. We had three suites for the bridesmaids (and a hairdresser), my two daughters (and a hairdresser) and me (yep, hairdresser too). Add a friend doing makeup for all and a light brunch spread that included plenty of mimosas, and you have one good time for the gals.

2. Seeing my father-in-law’s first look at my daughter as a bride; this might be my favorite photo of all.
MegPapabw (2)

3. Turning in my seat during strains of Pachelbel’s Canon to see my handsome husband and beautiful daughter framed in the chapel doorway. I remember my breath catching and my heartbeat in my throat.
4LarryandMegan

4. Watching my daughter’s face as her younger sister delivered a perfect toast with the most amazing combination of humor and heart. When she rehearsed it for me, I was delighted; when she stood in front of 150 people and spoke, I was filled with love for both of them, and for my new son-in-law.
toast

5. Finally relaxing with drinks at the after-party, dishing with my daughter’s friends, catching up with family, and watching my girls have the time of their lives.

The regret? Just one, which I’ve mentioned in previous posts– I wish we had the photographer take posed photos with aunts, uncles and cousins. Table photos would’ve been great too. We deferred to his “expertise” and shouldn’t have.

Happy Anniversary, Megan & Matt! Here’s to a lifetime of memories.

More on seating arrangements: helpful infographic

Thanks to Elegance and Enchantment for sharing this great infographic on head table seating (from Simply Bridal):

Seating 101 Infographic
http://www.eleganceandenchantment.com/head-table-101/